Looking for the Perfect Love?

I remember reading romance novels in high school and dreaming of the perfect love. The knight on the horse that would whisk me away, and we would live in perfect bliss.  Confession:  I didn’t just throw in a cliché line there.  I literally dreamed of a man on a horse coming to my rescue. 😆  Who else is with me? 

Did you know that Jesus is literally returning on a white horse?  Check it out in Revelation 19:11-16:

^“Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written:

KING OF KINGS AND
LORD OF LORDS.”

Wow! I really should have paid more attention to the book of Revelation in high school instead of the romance novels. That is Who I want rescuing me! Those verses paint a much better picture than the man in my imagination.  But, I do have to wonder if the thought of being rescued by a warrior on a white horse is the deep longing in our soul for the ordained return of our Savior without us even realizing it.  Hmmmm 🤔

Alas, I thought I was dreaming of and for the earthly love of my life. Sean came and courting was bliss. It all seemed perfect and straight out of a fairytale. Sean even proposed to me on a horse drawn carriage while snow was falling in the beautiful mountain town of Breckinridge, Colorado. I don’t think it could have been anymore perfect.

Then 1.5 years later, we said, “I DO” and life as a married couple began. We entered a God-ordained covenant that Satan’s kingdom works hard to destroy. We knew marriage was God-ordained, but not that Satan worked hard from day one to try and destroy it. Literally for us, the enemy started before we even left the church. Anyone else feel like that?

Sean and I were always in sync before we were married and completely out of sync after we were married.  Our honeymoon felt disjointed. We returned home, and I wanted to be the perfect wife.  I think I had that 1950’s version of a wife in my head.  I would come home from my university classes and work to make the house perfect.  I would make sure dinner was on the table every night. I wanted to be the perfect wife for him. I told Sean that I would wash our sheets every day so that we had fresh sheets to sleep on. Lol…that didn’t last long. Sound like Martha to anyone?

We struggled.  We had built our relationship on constant communication that didn’t seem to exist after we were married. We felt like two strangers living in a house together instead of “two becoming one.” We constantly said the wrong thing to one another and neither one of knew how to fix it.  We asked advice from people around us, and honestly, it was horrible advice.  We wanted to succeed, and most of the time, people advised us towards divorce.  It seemed like everything and everyone was against us.

Looking back, we really didn’t have anyone in our lives that knew how to have a happy, successful marriage.  But we learned over time that we don’t have to have access to people who are successful in areas that we need to improve in (although it certainly helps and moves things a lot faster), we just need to seek our Father for His wisdom and guidance.

I remember sitting on our living room couch nearing the end of the first year of marriage crying out to the Lord asking Him what to do. I had tried everything. I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know what else to do. It took me awhile to learn to go to Him first instead of when I hit the end of my rope. This was the first time that I ever recall hearing the Lord speak to me. I was at my lowest point. I didn’t know if my marriage would survive, but I desperately wanted it to work out. I felt this very quiet thought that I knew wasn’t mine say, “Love him.” Those two words resonated so deep with me. For the first year of our marriage, I was focused on doing all the things that I thought would help us have a good foundation in our marriage except just “being” with him. Sean was struggling with his own stuff that first year, and all I could think of was fixing everything but not knowing how. 

So much peace came over me when I heard those two words “Love him” because I knew I could simply love him. Loving him so far had been easy. Although over the next 22 years of marriage, I would learn that it is not always easy to choose love, but love is a choice.

We overcame a big hurdle in our marriage, not through our brilliance or anything we did, but only by the grace and wisdom of God.  It was a slow process of rebuilding, but we had a way forward. Sometimes slow is good because a good, lasting foundation can be built with slow. 

Having our first child, Isabelle, brought on new challenges as it does with most couples. Sean worked all day. I stayed home with the baby. By the time he got home, I was desperate for adult interaction. Can anyone relate? To Sean, who was exhausted from a long day of work, my excitement to see him and talk to a human that could hold a conversation came off as clingy and needy.  It hurt.  But now, I am grateful.  His stiff arm forced me to seek the Lord for all the things that I was expecting Sean to fulfill in my life.  This was really where I had a pivotal moment with the Lord and our relationship.  He really does fulfill all our needs: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  We just have to know that we can go to Him for our needs, and He is literally there and actively works.  

And once again, God saved our marriage (it certainly wouldn’t be the last time).  Instead of Sean getting to a place where he didn’t want to come home (and he was getting close) because he viewed me as a clingy, needy wife (Check out this blog post on perspectives and how the enemy works to get us to focus on the wrong things). The Lord taught me to go to Him so that He could fulfill the desires of my heart.  This shift kept Sean and I from getting angry with one another, blaming each other, and focusing on self.  We were both still very self-focused at the time in wanting our needs met by the other, but the Lord was working on us. 

The Lord over time showed me that He was really my rescuer on the white horse. I can expect the perfection from Him and the fulfillment of my heart’s desires. This took so much pressure off of Sean. When we raise our spouse up above the Lord and put expectations on them that are meant for the Lord, our spouse and our marriage suffer. Sean is amazing and through much, grace, surrender, trust, prayer, and deliverance (we wanted the enemy out of our marriage), we both have learned how to ebb and flow in life as one.  We have our days where we can get out of sync, but we have learned how to quickly get back in unison, by the grace of God. The pressure for us to be each other’s everything is not practical and is debilitating to the other person and the marriage as a whole.    

I encourage and challenge you…

If you are single, get the know Jesus as your rescuer on the white horse. Rely on Him now for your everything.  Let Him be your rock and sustainer.  Draw from Him emotionally and mentally.  Learn how to let Him guide your steps.  Break away from the bonds and pulls of the enemy and walk freely with Jesus.  This is your part of setting a firm foundation for your future husband.

If you are married, the same applies to you as for the single person. This is your part for strengthening your marriage and setting a new course.  Don’t worry about what your spouse is doing.  You chase Jesus and let Him be your guide. 

Friend, I hope you got a lot from this blog post. My prayer is that our struggles can be used as a testimony to His greatness and that it will impact and strengthen you and your marriage. I would love to hear from you. What are some of your struggles?  How is the Lord helping you walk through them?